27 Apr Making Good Choices

Our goal, as parents and teachers, is to raise self-reliant, confident children that make appropriate choices. Children have an innate desire to be independent. As soon as toddlers can form phrases, we often hear them say “me do it!” The role of adults is to provide a safe and supportive environment that allows the child to explore and learn how to make choices.

With independence comes freedom, and with freedom come responsibility. It is a delicate balance for many parents. How much freedom is too much? Where do you set the limits? Your child must have a sense of autonomy, but at the same time be respectful of your leadership.

Ways you can foster good decision-making at home:

• Empower your child with carefully worded choices – offer limited choices to your child. “Would you like to eat an orange or a pear?” Notice you are not asking if they want to eat fruit, you are asking which one.
• Let your child help with personal care – often times, getting your child dressed in the morning can be a power struggle. Allow your child to help you. Maybe you put the socks on half way, and they pull up the rest. If you have a low, accessible drawer, you can put two tops and two bottoms in the drawer and allow your child to choose what to wear. Remember, giving too many choices can be overwhelming for your child.
• Teach instead of dictating – it is easy for parents to say “because I said so”, but explaining to a child why helps them make good choices in the future. For example, if your child is running around the kitchen, you can say, “we do not run in the kitchen because it is not safe. You can fall and hurt yourself”. Next time your child is running in the kitchen, you simply ask, “is that safe?” allowing your child to think critically.
• Limit choices when behavior is unsafe – your child should not have a choice whether or not to hold your hand while walking in public. You can ask, “would you like to hold my right hand or my left hand?”

Most importantly, after you give your child choices and they choose one, you must respect it. Choose your words carefully, and make sure you are happy with either outcome. The best way to learn how to make good choices is to be given the opportunity.